What You Need to Know About an Aquarius Man

The candles on the altar are dimly reflected in his eyes, and you feel him embracing you in double warmth. Smoke from the incense dances slowly around your entwined limbs, flirting with the texture of your skin and overlapping the sweet, ancient smell that is sex. He is never lost in the act, except perhaps at the moment of climax, when he finally surrenders to the power that has been cultivated and harvested with such ritual exactness. It is that power and no simple physical sensation that combines your souls and launches them in tandem.

Uranus, God of the Sky and Lofty Ideals
Uranus, the god of all Aquarians, was once the god of all gods. Both the son and the husband of Gaia—Mother Earth—Uranus was the god of the sky. He fathered the Titans and the giants and caused his wife so much pain when he tried to hid his atrocities within her that she had her son, Saturn, who himself would eventually be dethroned, castrate Uranus. True, there have been other gods who were dethroned. The previously mentioned dethronement at the hands of his son Jupiter is an example. However, Uranus is one of the few gods who were castrated. Gaia wanted Uranus castrated so he'd stop fathering monsters and because he hurt her. What this does to Aquarius is up to speculation (usually by the Aquarius), but it is apparent to anyone who has met an Aquarius and listened to his dogma, the "children" of his mind. Not surprisingly, the Aquarius male is dealt a further blow because his sub-ruler is Saturn. The double dethronement of his two chief gods eats away at the Aquarius, who feels robbed of his proper place among the royalty of Olympus and, therefore, unceasingly looks for a way to break into the Aquarian kingdom and claim his true title. Another result of his gods' exile is that the Aquarius has learned a few valuable lessons about how to remove others from power, whether they think they are his friend or family. He is typically involved in a stiff rivalry with some authority sometime in his life, either a father or brother, and he doesn't appreciate women who are more intelligent than himself. He'll never be with someone stupid, though. He isn't exactly "attentive" to his spouse, either, as Uranus showed in his treatment of Gaia. Uranus's dethronement and the method of his downfall may be seen as not only a removal from political power, but from masculinity—an issue that haunts the Aquarius.

His Top Traits Explored
He's Spiritual. The Aquarius male is more interested than most in spirituality, although a great deal more of his interest lies in religion's ability to control and set rules for others than in what happens after death—unless whatever occurs beyond the veil will lead him to an even more powerful position. His interest in the meaning of life is usually more of an interest in how to beat the game of life than in how to progress as a human, especially if such progress would require a revoking of power. He tends to flit from one religion to another, trying to find the one that will give him the most power. More than anything, he wishes to wield the power of life and death over others and to command them to do as he says. Smiting his enemies is a typical fantasy of his, and he spends much of his time trying to find mystical means of doing so. While on an intellectual level he believes in the power of persuasion and understands that belief and the human mind are responsible for most miracles, he hopes that there is more to it and that true magical power actually exists and that one day he will find it.

He's Intellectual. The Aquarius is one man who's always stuck in his head. He's ambitious, and doesn't allow anything to get in the way of achieving his goals. His cold, calculating treatment of those around him has earned him an astrological reputation of being an emotionally-detached, ladder-climbing, power-seeking man—a man who doesn't care for the people he hurts in the process of attaining his aspirations.

His ability to assess situations and manipulate them for his own benefit can get in the way of his spiritual endeavors, and even though he may truly be religious, his understanding of the monetary and physical benefits it may afford him may appear to discredit his zeal. Similarly, he may truly love someone, but his assessment of their inherited wealth and status (Aquarians are always attracted to the wealthy, as they equate money with power) may seem to cheapen his emotions. On the one hand, his ability to seize opportunities will help him gain the life he longs for. On the other hand, he may starve himself and his partner emotionally. It's not that he doesn't feel. In fact, his intellect and ambition are controlled mostly by his emotional state. He's just so unaware of his emotions that he would rather suppress them than nurture positive ones. As a result, negative emotions may take hold and leave him with little positive sustenance. This has a huge effect on his sexuality, which remains intellectual and sterile and is seen also as a method of dominance and control. While he may honestly enjoy having sex for the simple joy it brings, he cannot forget who is thrusting into whom, and he may eventually come to see it as his right, just as his wife is often his first disciple and follower (a.k.a. subordinate).

He's Confident. This man didn't have the happiest childhood, nor was adolescence easy on him. The butt of frequent jokes and often out of favor in the political sphere that is high school, the Aquarius male seeks to attain true prestige, and he's certain that he more than deserves it despite whatever effort he himself takes toward his goals. He idolizes those with power, and he firmly believes he has a lot of his own. His relationships are an instrument of his confidence and he expects his mate to be his first, if not most important, backer.

His high ambitions, intellectualism, and lack of hesitancy to use everything for his own gain do not necessarily guarantee him high status in life or much happiness. No matter what pitfalls he encounters, he'll always bounce back from them and return stronger than he left—or at least more determined. As far as he is concerned, he is the right one, and believes that his opinions are a reflection of reality. Those who disagree are just uncomfortable with that reality.

He's sexually confident. At most, he is insecure about his physique but not about his skill, and when he is inclined to have intercourse, he welcomes as much change and excitement as possible. Because his own imagination is somewhat lacking in this area, he doesn't find much opportunity there for power or exercising his mentality.

Sex with an Aquarius Male
Sex is not very important to an Aquarius. He enjoys it, it feels good, but there are far too many strings attached for him to feel comfortable—even if he's the one controlling all the strings. Although sex is not on his list of priorities, he'll notice if it's missing and he'll impulsively need to correct the issue and reinstate his bedroom privileges or find someone else's bedroom to occupy.

The two aspects that this illustrates are (1) his dominance in the relationship, and (2) his "right" to sex. Both are characteristics of his romantic relationships. Whomever he becomes involved with will have the characteristics of a devoted follower. She must adore him, cherish everything he says and every opinion he has, make sure his every physical need is taken care of, and she'll probably be the one with the stable career so he can pursue his spirituality. The exception to these criteria is when the Aquarius enjoys one-night stands or short-term affairs. In these shorter associations, the Aquarius male finds the best woman around—the most beautiful, accomplished, intelligent, and wealthy—and seduces her simply because she is the best and probably of a higher status than he is. The chance of him forming a long-term connection with such a woman isn't high, however, because he prefers looking down at his partner and not up.

While he isn't into extravagant sex, he prefers the down-to-business variety. He is interested in being catered to sexually, and in physically dominating his partner. When he's involved with snobbish ladies, he enjoys lowering them to positions that exaggerate their submission to him (doggy-style, fellatio, and anal sex), and he's not above starting sexual rumors in order to hurt reputations. He isn't opposed to harems and extramarital affairs because he thinks they highlight his masculinity and desirability—two very important topics to him.

Preferred Games The Standard by Which the World Should Measure Itself. One thing that all Aquarian males firmly believe is that they are supreme examples of the human race and that others should be lucky (or, in the case of disfavor, terrified) to have them around. His opinions aren't "opinions," they are statements of the way the world should be or reflections of how everyone else feels. He's unable to divorce the world from his inner life and is capable of tyrannical rule over others if given the opportunity.

The Media Man. How things appear is of extreme concern to Mr. Aquarius. He's sensitive to any attacks on his authority and will retaliate with as much force and power as he can wield. If dumped, he'll carry a grudge for years. During relationships, he's intent on showing the world how well-cared for he is, and how lucky his partner feels to be with him. He'll work hard to embarrass her former lovers and to make his as jealous (and regretful) as possible.

The Guru. He loves the knowledge and power implied in leadership positions and prefers those in religious or spiritual contexts. He feels he knows more than most do about what happens in this world and beyond and is interested in teaching people how to think like he does. Perhaps Jesus Christ being the human embodiment of a deity has given the Aquarius male the idea that religion is the path to mortal and immortal power, but he has difficulty settling for status in the material world alone. When he's playing this game, sex with him is supposed to be considered an honor by his partners, as well as a way of worship.

The Stalker. His tenacity in getting what he wants can cross the line every once in a while. When he sets his sights on a target, he does everything he can in order to ensure that he'll get what he wants, even if that means showing up at your door ten times a day, driving by at night to make sure someone else's car isn't there, or starting rumors about a relationship before there even is one.

The Object of Your Devotion. The one thing he enjoys sexually above all others is being adored and pampered. He wants his lovers to be in awe of him and to feel grateful for his attentions. Outside of the spiritual meaning behind sex with him, he enjoys feeling physically attractive and wants to be desired above all others. Although he rarely shows it, he doesn't have a great deal of confidence in his physical appearance, and he would much appreciate a little reassurance.

What He Needs to Learn About Sex
Other people have feelings and ambitions that might not match his own, and he needs to learn how to deal with it. He might be surprised at how finding an actual partnership rather than a fawning devotee helps him achieve his ambitions in double time and gives him a much-needed reality check that will also further his own aims. Learning how to pay attention to and honor his own feelings and those of others will enrich his relationships and ultimately his life.

Excerpted from The Sex Files, by Rowan Davis