How to Establish a Relationship with the Fair Folk

The Fair Folk are complex and often confusing entities. Fairies have captivated a part of the human experience and imagination for as long as we have walked the Earth. Numerous cultures across the globe have their version of what we might think of as "fairies."

With the dawn of contemporary Paganism and Witchcraft came, too, a fascination with the older fairy faiths of regions such as Wales, Ireland, and Scotland. As such, many pioneers in the rise of modern Pagan Witchcraft incorporated an acknowledgement of the Fair Folk.

The perception of what exactly fairies are, however, has varied within our magical communities. Many people take a much more new-age approach to fairies. Envisioning them as beings of light, of glitter and sparkle, of gossamer wings and delicate petal dresses. This image of fairies is deeply influenced by Victorian art depicting flower fairies as opposed to any traditional lore associated with the Fair Folk. Alternatively, many Witches and Pagans will instead perceive fairies as elemental beings, the spirits of the trees, the flowers, the streams, and rivers. Many would be shocked to hear that, in some ways, this is also a rather modern perception of fairies when comparing these views with traditional fairy beliefs. This is a view influenced by movements such as theosophy and the spiritualist movement of the late 19th and early 20th centuries.

This leads us to a particularly important question to ponder over if hoping to establish a relationship with the Fair Folk: what exactly are fairies?

Fairies of Traditional Lore
Before we move on, it is important I provide some background information regarding my own personal perception and understanding of fairies. I was born on Ynys Môn, an island on the Northern coast of Wales. I grew up in a rural seaside community, and spoke the Welsh language, Cymraeg, as my native language.

In my childhood, the fairies were always near. There were specific places across the island that had folklore associated with the many beings that might fit under the umbrella term of "fairy."

Just a five-minute walk from my home was a hill that my family, and many other families in the village, believed was a hollow hill, a place where the fair folk resided. Two miles down the road was an ancient burial chamber called Barclodiad y Gawres (The Giantess' Apronful) though locally some folks referred to it as Bryn Pwca (the hill of the Pwca). The Pwca were goblin-like creatures who would often trick people and cause all manners of mischief. The farmers of the village often complained about "fairy rings" in their fields.

The world of Fairy was not some distant, fantasy realm in my eyes. We were in constant contact with the otherworld.

My perception of fairies is influenced by this culture in which I was raised, and though some more modern ideas surrounding the fairies sometimes seeped into conversation (such as the idea that they had wings), for the most part these stories were rooted in an older folk belief concerning Otherworldly beings.

Within a Welsh cultural context, the name we associate with fairies is Y Tylwyth Teg. This name translates roughly to mean "The Fair Family." However, it is important to acknowledge that just because we called them fair does not necessarily mean we perceived them as all good, all beautiful, all fair beings. Far from it. There is a belief that fairies have the ability to travel invisibly, to disguise themselves as normal mortals, and even to hear things caught upon the wind. With this in mind, they could be listening at any time, in any place. As such, no one wished to offend these beings, for they were known to be able to reign terror upon those who offended them. Therefore, when people discussed the fairies, they made sure to speak kindly of them, and refer to them with lovely terms such as Y Tylwyth Teg, the fair family.

Within traditional Welsh lore, and similarly in the lore of various other regions such as England, Ireland, and even Scotland, fairies often looked no different to humans. They were not depicted as small, dainty, gossamer-winged ladies. There were, of course, certain signs that they were something other than human, but nothing as dramatic as being the size of a thimble or having glorious butterfly-like wings.

Fairies here in Wales could be small, though usually no smaller than a human toddler. For the most part, however, they matched in size to us. They could be incredibly beautiful and alluring, but also incredibly ugly and frightening. The umbrella term of "fairy" encompasses a variety of beings, from the more human-like Tylwyth Teg, who were denizens of Annwfn, the Otherworld, through to the more goblin or sprite-like Coblynnau, mining fairies, or Ellyllon, the fairies who haunted old ruins and rural areas.

The general belief surrounding fairies was that they hailed from the Otherworld, and had the ability to traverse between the realms with ease. Some fairy creatures such as the Ellyllon, the Coblynnau, or the Pwca had a link or tie with specific areas in our reality—from heathlands and marshes to the deep, dark mines.

Rather than being elemental spiritual beings, the fairies were visitors from another world, liminal entities who could travel freely between our world and the Otherworld. Mystical beings who were not constrained by the limitations of time, of age, or of physicality as we mortals are. Beings that exist in a state of being betwixt and between, somewhere between spirit and corporeal, mortal and divine.

Why Should we Establish Relationships with Fairies?
The next question we need to explore is why exactly would we even wish to establish a relationship with fairies? This is a complicated question to answer, and if we're being honest there is no real need for anyone to attempt to form relationships with the fair folk.

Within a Welsh cultural context most people wanted nothing to do with fairies in day-to-day life. In fact, beyond leaving offerings for the household fairies, most people approached their local magical specialists for charms, devices, and magical fetishes that would keep the fairies away. People often employed folk magical techniques to ward the influence of fairies away from their homes. This sometimes appeared in the form of hanging iron above beds and doorways, crafting apotropaic devices out of the wood and berries of the rowan tree, or even barricading their windows with the prickly branches of gorse.

Why would they do this? What need was there for ordinary people to employ folk magical techniques in order to keep the fairies away? The simple answer to this question is that people were aware of the fact that fairies were capable of great harm, mischief, and malice towards mortals. It was incredibly easy to offend the fair folk, and they had a tendency to punish those who crossed them rather intensely. There are countless folkloric accounts of fairies haunting and harassing people relentlessly. They could spoil your milk, curse your livestock with diseases, drag people through the air and drop them somewhere far from home, steal away babies, and all manners of terrifying things.

Therefore, for the common ordinary person fairies were rather terrifying, powerful entities they did not wish to cross. The easiest way to ensure you did not cross them was to keep as far away from them as possible.

There is one caveat to this common relationship mortals had with fairies, however. Whilst the common ordinary folk wanted nothing to do with fairies, magical practitioners on the other hand were almost required to not only understand the fairies and their strange ways, but to also establish relationships with them.

In times of distress, when people believed they were being targeted by the fairies, it was the wise woman, the cunning man, or the conjurer they approached and asked for help. These individuals were familiar with the ways of the fairies and the Otherworld, and so were able to offer advice and counter charms to cease the terrors brought forth by the wrath of a fairy. They knew how to appease them, commune with them, and sometimes even how to banish them.

Beyond being able to aid their communities in dealing with the mischief and malice of these Otherworldly beings, it was also a common belief that some magical practitioners gained their wisdom and powers from the fairies. After all, the fair folk were great allies in magic. Considering that time, physicality, and the common restraints that come with being human were of no concern to the liminal entities. They could reveal arcane pieces of wisdom to those seeking to understand the hidden, occult aspects of the world. They could help practitioners hunt for treasures, reveal the magical and healing properties of plants, bestow bounties and abundance upon those they favoured, and aid in magical workings of conjuration or persuasion.

In essence, whilst ordinary people had no interest in consorting with fairies due to fear, those who sought the magical, occult knowledge of the world did their best to form good relationship with such beings. Some fairy beings even became familiar spirits to certain individuals according to Welsh lore, after many years of forging and forming relationship. As modern practitioners of magic we might draw inspiration from such practices, and after all it only seems right to establish a good relationship with the Otherworldly beings that might exist in your locale. Not everyone will feel that this path is for them, however, and that is also perfectly alright. Beyond that, we must also remember that spirits, otherworldly entities, deities, and such do not always wish to reciprocate the desire to establish a relationship. Perhaps you desperately want to form a relationship with your household fairy or local Otherworldly visitors, but there is no guarantee they wish the same. In the same way we allow people the autonomy and choice to befriend us or spend time with us, we should offer the same dignity and respect to all beings.

How to Approach the Mysteries of the Fairy
My personal advice for anyone who wishes to establish relationships with the fair folk starts with two little words: Start small.

There is no need to dive into attempting to create pacts with Otherworldly beings or calling upon the fair folk into your ritual circles. Start with simple, easy tasks to ease you into it and get you accustomed to dealing with these forces.

Here is a list of my top four things to do as you begin to tread this path.

1. Do your research!
   This part is important. Learn as much as you can about the fair folk. Read traditional folk tales, as they often provide a window into aspects of folk belief and practice. I have learned more about methods of communing and interacting with the fair folk via traditional stories, whether that be the stories found in books or ones the elders in my community told me, than I ever have from reading "how to" books and guides.
   
   Learn about the names of the fairies in your locale. How have people interacted with them in your area? What plants are associated with them? Is there a tradition of offering things to them? Are there any songs or invocations associated with them? All of these things will aid you in building a repertoire of knowledge which can only be useful in future.
   
   Not all knowledge can be learned from books. If you live in a location where traditional fairy beliefs are part of the culture, then get out and start talking to people. Ask your grandparents, aunties, uncles, parents, or volunteer at events or residential homes for the elderly. The people in our communities can often be a treasure trove of knowledge regarding such things. I cannot tell you how often I have sat down with an older relative who adamantly told me they "know nothing about fairies." And then, a cup of tea or two later and they're recounting tales they were told from their youth, or strange experiences they once had.
   
   This isn’t limited to locations such as Wales, Ireland, Scotland, and such, either! Many parts of Appalachia have stories of goblins in the mines, and various diasporas across the world have carried fairy traditions with them.
   
   
2. Establish relationship first and foremost with the household fairy.
   Even those who wished to have nothing to do with fairies often interacted with the household fairy. Numerous cultures across Europe and beyond have a belief in the spirit or fairy of the household.
   
   In traditional Welsh lore, the manner in which people interacted with and cared for the household fairy was fairly simple. They would ensure they keep the house warm, cozy, and tidy. On top of this they would leave offerings to the household fairy in central locations: the stovetop, the hearth, the fireplace, wherever the heart of the home is.
   
   These offerings varied from baked goods to bowls of cream or fresh milk, to even a small glass of whisky.
   
   Why not first attempt to establish good relationship with your household fairy? Trust me, you'll know if you tick them off. They'll find a way to let you know.
   
   
3. Stay protected!
   It is important to truly root yourself in your ability to ward and protect yourself, your home, and those around you before approaching the fair folk. In the past, people from Wales would work with the spirits and virtues of the natural world to protect themselves. The spirit of the rowan tree, of the holey stone, or of the rosemary were great allies.
   
   A necklace made of dried rowan berries on red thread, a charm pouch with a hag stone or holey stone placed inside. These are simple methods of protection. Joined with energetic or psychic approaches they can be incredibly potent. Find your preferred forms of protection.
   
   
4. Develop your ability to enter trance-like states.
   Entering a trance state has long been a method of communing with the Otherworld. There are stories from my culture of great bards in the past drawing on the forces of divine inspiration, of Awen, from the depths of the Otherworld to inspire their poetry. Trance can be achieved in many ways. Some people prefer sensory deprivation, sitting in a room with no light, no sound, and just meditating until reaching a trance state. Others prefer to utilize sound or movement, such as rhythmic drumming, tracing the lines of a labyrinth carved into stone, rocking back and forth whilst reciting a traditional folk song or invocation.
   
   Find your method and begin drawing those Otherworldly forces towards you. Just remember your basic protection whilst doing so!

Move with Caution and Enchantment
I hope this article has provided some inspiration as to why and how you might establish a relationship with the fair folk. If you wish to know more, my book, Welsh Fairies: A Guide to the Lore, Legends, Denizens and Deities of the Otherworld, is packed with more information on beliefs, practices, and lore concerning fairies.