The best love spells you can do are the ones that are infused with self love, love for yourself. If you are coming from a place of low self esteem, or a desperate desire to prove your worth through the love of another person, then you are not blessing yourself, or anyone else. If you are attempting to "put a spell on someone" and make that person magically love you, you are not blessing yourself. If you are doing anything other than seeking to open yourself up to someone whom you can love freely and who can love you freely, you are not blessing yourself.

Take it from someone who knows. The only candle love spell I ever did that worked—actually worked—is the one I will describe to you now. After many years of unfulfilling, sometimes even abusive, relationships, I had that same sense of desperation and loneliness I described above. It is only after much spiritual and therapeutic work that I learned that the spell for love must begin with self love and the understanding of what I truly wanted from a relationship. Was it the excitement of living through someone else, or was it the need to have someone listen to me and care about me? Was it money and success in the world, or was it the need for companionship and comfort and security?

Once I made those decisions for myself, I decided to visit a little shop I had known for many years. It was run by a woman from whom I have obtained many intuitive readings. She listened to what I had to say, gave me the advice I just dispensed to you, and then gave me a spell candle kit. When I got home I unwrapped my basket.

Inside was a candle that represented a man, a candle that represented a woman, a love spell on parchment, and some oil. I read the instructions. I was advised to do my spell on the New Moon, the time with the most energy for new beginnings—but the instructions included the injunction that I could do the candle magic anytime I wanted to. Now I, being informed as to the benefits of astrology, knew that the New Moon was the best time. I also knew that—after a terribly hard year, filled with a lot of unhappiness and a very disastrous relationship—I didn't want to wait for the New Moon. So I did it anyway, that same day.

I waited for a quiet time, then I anointed both candles, all the while intoning my love ideals; what I hoped for in a relationship. I asked that I be coupled with someone kind and generous who would be faithful to me. I asked for someone who was ready and willing to accept my love. I attached no conditions to the person about looks, money, or age. I simply asked that he be the one person in the universe with whom I was meant to be, and vice versa. His character was the most important thing to me, along with the ability to be open to my love. I then lit the candles and said the love spell over them. The essence of the spell was a request for the Universe recognize my need for love, a statement that love is a human need, and a declaration that I was as entitled to it as everyone else in the Universe. I added a request that the right person be brought to me, regardless of who he was or where he was in this universe.

While the candles burned I thought back to all the times I had let good relationships go because I was unable to meet the needs of the people with whom I was involved. I thought about all the times I had allowed my desperate need for closeness to someone, anyone, lead me into destructive and abusive relationships. I watched as the candles burned, and my candle, the woman candle, burned the quickest. I felt as I saw it burn that it was crying. I knew my soul was crying along with it, for all the missed opportunities I had had in life and for all the sorrow and abusiveness I had allowed myself to experience. I felt like I was being cleansed of all this as I watched my candle shed purple tears and finally burn down.

As the candle that carried my name burned down and finally went out, I knew I had cleared the baggage of the past from my inner aura, and made myself ready to accept a new relationship into my being. I knew that to initiate a new relationship while still holding on to the past and past energies is self-defeating.

It took a while, but I didn't forget my new vow to open myself up to the good energy around me. I put away the negative memories and bad feelings I had in connection with my past. I made inroads to actually meeting new people—not just sitting at home wishing, but actually attending social events. With my new revitalization, I felt energetically determined to make a go of things in my life. I met some people that I immediately determined were not right for me, or had the potential to be as unsuitable as those I had known in the past. I was determined to follow through and the day came, about a month after my candle love spell, when I met someone. He was older than me, didn't have a professional job or a lot of money, but he had kind eyes and a sweet smile. The minute I saw him I liked him. Not loved him, but liked him. We went out for coffee, began dating, and eventually moved in together.

Has it all been bliss? No. Have we had problems? Yes. Is it easy every day? No. But he is a kind-hearted, loving soul and we are committed to making our relationship work. Is this because of my candle magic spell kit or the confidence it gave me to keep on trying? It think it is both.